Love never fails.

Empowerment

 

            I am on a quest. On this journey, I am not looking for wealth or fame. Instead, I seek empowerment. I am not seeking ultimate power to put my will in front of others’. Nor do I plan on putting the world under some kind of fascist dictatorship where men bow down to women and everyone worships a giant, golden statue of me. Empowerment is about the individual; the focus is not on putting yourself in front of others, or ensuring your power endangers the power of fellow brothers and sisters. Empowerment is recognizing what you have, what you don’t, and what has been taken. It is claiming your body, soul, and heart. It is harnessing the sexual power that women have but don’t recognize. It is not for personal gain over our community. No, it is what we all need to empower ourselves so we can fight back against what is dying, to save not only ourselves but the forces that threaten the world the creator so lovingly gave us.

 

Part I: Women Living In The Midst of a Patriarchy

            We live in a patriarchy. Just for clarification, a patriarchy is a culture that is centered on masculinity and males. Now, I’m fairly tolerant when it comes to people’s crazy conspiracy theories, but one that I will deny again and again is the theory that we do not live in a patriarchy. For you doubters, let’s give some facts and figures. Of the 110^th Congress members, 17% are female. We have never had a female president. There are four females in Bush’s cabinet out of 15 total cabinet members. There is currently one female justice on the Supreme Court out of nine, and there has never been a female Chief Justice. This is just the federal government (statistics can be found on Congress, Judiciary, and White House government websites). Next time you go to a music store, look at how many female artists there are compared to male artists (even harder, try to find a band that is completely female whose songs have not been written by men). Do you often hear of female novelists, painters, poets? How many head chefs, CEO’s, and school administrators are female? Why are prostitutes (who, most of the time, do it to keep food on the table) considered the most immoral of all, but the men who buy their services are not in the equation?

            Generally speaking, the laws are not the problem. Women, by law, are to be treated equally. It is the attitude of our culture that is the problem. Women who are just as qualified as men aren’t voted in for public office as often because they’re just too sensitive. Sensitive, PMS-ing leaders can’t get anything done without crying, now can they? Heaven forbid we should have a commander-in-chief with compassion. This might be an exaggeration (unfortunately, not for some), but it is the subtle attitude of many that women are not qualified based on their femininity. This attitude is hard to attack, because upon calling people on it, the response is, “Oh no, I’d love more females in office; they just aren’t as qualified!” It’s a cop-out. In most cases, women are just as qualified, but for “some reason,” they don’t get elected or don’t get the job. When females are elected into office or given a position of power, they are expected to act like men, to be masculine. If they show sign of emotion or sensitivity, they are “not qualified” for a position of power. Even the women we do elect for public office are expected to act like men.

            We live in a patriarchy. The question is, what do we, as both men and women, do about it? I’m not sure whether it is possible to live in a patriarchy that isn’t demeaning to women, but I’m not willing to live that experiment out, and I certainly wouldn’t take part in it. What can you do? As a start, we can show the patriarchal culture we live in that we are great poets, we are great painters, we are great writers, leaders, mothers, scientists, officials! If you aren’t any of those things, you can support those who are. You certainly have a place in the community, even if it isn’t a place people would expect of you (show them up, girls!). Buy a CD of a female artist (for beginners, try Ani DiFranco or Sinead O’Connor)—don’t burn copies of them for friends, make others buy their CDs to support them economically. Read volumes of poetry by Sara Teasdale or the writings of Simone De Beauvoir. Female voices are out there, find them! Try supporting local female artists and singers. Volunteer at Planned Parenthood or a local women’s group. We can wield a two-edged sword by not only becoming the artists, mothers, welders, doctors, friends and leaders that we can be, but also supporting those that do.  

            Bottom line: guess what? We can fight the patriarchy if we want to. Once we realize that we don’t have to fit into the little niche our culture has made for us, we can climb out of it and help others around us do the same.

 

Part II: Sexuality and Education

            Sexuality is crucial to empowerment. Popular culture subdued and weakened the power of female sexuality. There are a number of myths about sexuality that must be addressed. First and foremost, women are sexual beings. The attitude expressed in pop culture is that women are not nearly as sexual as men, and men cannot control their crazy sexual thoughts and actions. However, women and men are just as sexual. Before the time we hit puberty, we are told via media and popular belief, that boys are way more interested in sexuality than girls are. Boys are constantly on the prowl looking for girls to score with, and all the innocent young girls are just looking for romance. Boys looking for sex are just being boys (“it’s just a phase”), but girls looking for sex are whores.

            The second myth about sexuality expressed by pop culture tells us that this is just the way it is; it is how we evolved, and it is how it must be. This is just untrue. By the time boys and girls hit high school, this attitude might be true, but not because of natural expression. It has become true because people insist on fitting in the roles society has made for us. Many guys act a certain way around girls because it is how they are expected to act; it is an act of peer pressure. And if he has to act a certain way for long enough, it becomes his nature. The same applies to the female condition of sexual repression. Repress it for long enough, and it will dwindle (but certainly not die).

            Attitude is only half the problem with sexual repression. We are clearly sexual beings, but we are told that our sexual expression is defined by someone else. On television shows and in movies, when people are horny, they have sex. From a young age, it is apparent to us that the only way we can truly express our sexuality is through intercourse or unprotected sex with another partner. Since teenagers have the craziest libidos and they are told that to quench it they have to have intercourse, we have terribly high rates of pregnancy and STDs.

            And this isn’t the end of it. Many religious groups and even sex educators are telling students that the natural expression of sexuality should be off limits until marriage. So, we’ve got a nation full of sexually-confused, pregnant, diseased teenagers that feel like their sexual feelings are immoral, abnormal, and reason for guilt. Because girls in particular are expected to be sexually abstinent—since it is guys that cannot control themselves—this guilt hits the female population the hardest. Combine all of this with the fact that the media combines sexuality and violence to make sexual assault both eroticized and more acceptable, and we’ve got ourselves into a complex knot of misunderstanding, repression, and perversion.

            This craziness needs to end. First of all, abstinence-only “sex education” should under no condition be considered sex education. All teenagers, from at least 14 years of age (and I think 14 is even too late) need to know what condoms, dental dams, and birth control are and know exactly how to use them. They need to know about how STDs are transmitted, how they are not, and they need to be told honestly about these things. They should be given lists of organizations—like Planned Parenthood and the local women’s center—that do testing and give out birth control and condoms. There can be no more scare tactics to force-feed abstinence. If you choose to be abstinent, that is your choice, but it isn’t the choice of school administrators to hide necessary information from you. Secondly, all sex education classes should teach that masturbation isn’t abnormal, disgusting, or wrong. (Good news: it doesn’t get you pregnant or give you STDs!) It is a perfectly healthy form of sexual expression and release. Not only that, but it teaches people that sexuality isn’t defined by being with other people; it is the connection you have with your gender, and the relationships that develop from that. It should address issues about sexual orientation and tolerance of sexual orientations different than our own. And of course, any sex education class should teach people that their sexual choices are theirs to make, not any one else’s. I think (smart) sexuality is healthy, but it is your decision and your decision alone to engage in it the way you please.

            I have a deep suspicion that the realization of sexuality is crucial to the empowerment of not only women, but people in general. It is a mysterious force that urges you to live in the now, and unleash the power that contains. If people could realize that living in the moment, that existence in and of itself is holy, it would truly be a revolutionary movement. Sexuality is the primal, ancient, spiritual, powerful expression of that way of life. It encourages people to live for what we have, for what we have been given; maybe, just maybe, it is enough to help people realize that the world we live in now is certainly worth saving.

 

Part III: The Miracle of Motherhood

            I’ve read quite a bit of feminist literature, but one subject that many feminist writers have sadly ignored is the nature and beauty of maternity. There are a few reasons why this might be: Some might think that an article about the beauty of motherhood displays a pro-life message. I would have to disagree, because I am personally pro-choice. On the other side, however, you can be a pro-life feminist (and I know a few that are total badasses, so nobody better be bashing on pro-lifers in my company); just because you are a feminist doesn’t mean you have to be pro-choice. Some feminists will not bring up motherhood because of previous demeaning cultural ideals that essentially told women that their worth was defined by their childbearing abilities.

            Of course, my worth is not defined by the children I can give birth to, and women that don’t have children are no less fantastic. Before I move on, I want to make this perfectly clear: just because I see motherhood as one of the most beautiful experiences I could possibly have doesn’t mean that other women feel the same, or have to feel the same. I’m certainly proud of any woman’s choice to have or not have children.

            From the womb of the mother, all life comes forth. The cells of the embryo feed from the mother. The nutrients from her food nourish the growing appendages. The warmth of the mother’s body incubates new life. A fetus responds to her mother’s movements, feelings, pain, joy. A woman’s body grows to accompany an infant or maybe two, three, four, five infants. Her bellybutton pops out under the pressure of the life inside her beautiful form. Her cervical opening, normally under a centimeter in diameter, can dilate up to 10 centimeters during pregnancy to allow the head and shoulders of an infant to pass. The female body can accommodate life in such awe-inspiring, amazing ways. This is why it is truly a miracle.

            The mother is the creator of life. This is why I see the creator of the universe as being feminine and the creation as being a result of a feminine power. From the womb of the great mother came the world, and from the womb of every mother comes new life. When a mother gives birth to child, shedding her very blood with an action that causes so much pain, I imagine that she sees the great creator of the universe for herself; she enters into Her presence and feels the most intense pain and pure ecstasy of creation, birth, and life anew. Such pain does not come without reward: not only does she come into the presence of the creator but she has life in her arms to prove it.

            But it’s all speculation for now. I am childless and plan on remaining so for quite some time. I can only hope that I have that experience for myself. As women, we don’t have to experience childbirth ourselves for this to empower us. The idea alone is inspiring. The idea that our body can be seen as a greater metaphor for life and creation is enough, wouldn’t you think?

 

---

            Women aren’t perfect, and I surely don’t want to send that message. For every pro, there is a con. But I think it is high time for us to finally realize our power, our body, our soul. It is sacred, beautiful, complex, dangerous. With every power given, we must realize that power can manipulate and destroy. It is in our hands to not only use our power but use it wisely. The world depends on it.

            This is an article about what empowers me. I am sure women reading this will agree on some level, and disagree on another. You will not come to realize your power in the same way I came to realize mine; I simply wanted to explain to you how I came to be the woman I am now. I suggest you think on this. Ultimately, it is up to you to realize your place in the world, and how you will get there. To you, what does it mean to be a woman? I wrote a declaration of my sentiments, and I encouraged others to write theirs. Empowerment is important to understanding ourselves, but at the end of the day, it is our sisters (and brothers!) that hold us up when we are tired. When it comes down to the problems our world faces, it isn’t up to me to solve them. No, it is up to us.

I hold these truths to be self-evident, for myself and the gender to which I owe my creativity and life:
That my body, my cunt, my mind, and my spirit belongs to me, and me alone;
That my sisters’ bodies, my sisters’ cunts, my sisters’ minds, and my sisters’ spirits belong to them, and them alone;
That I will fight like a motorcycle-riding, cigarette-smoking, foul-mouthed, strong-willed, anti-authoritarian badass from hell’s bowels to protect those (TRULY) inalienable rights in any way possible;
That I do what I can to protect other women from such tortures that include (but certainly are not limited to) rape, molestation, degradation, hatred, discrimination, genital mutilation, body-hatred and overall patriarchal shittiness;
That I show strength yet tenderness and compassion in all aforesaid endeavors;
That most of all, I do these things out of love, love for not only women but the living world in its entirety:
    Love of cows, chickens, grass, goats, trees, children, (men too!), mountains, rocks, birds, the moon, rivers,     salmon, the self, creativity, experience, learning, awe, the creator, the creation, bubbles, dreams, the moon.
That I never lose my love of the creation;
That I never adapt to a world of the Destroyer, the plastic, the corporation, the fakeness, the indifference;
That I will never accept apathy;
That I HAVE the fucking right to learn science without mutilating the creatures I so dearly love;
That I HAVE the fucking right to cry in public without trying to hide it;
That my sisters HAVE the right to not hate themselves for who they naturally are!
That, most of all, I fight so can live in a world where:
    We love.
    We fart in public.
    We’re not disgusted by our blood.
    We’re not afraid to go out after dark just because we have cunts.
    We don’t dissect cats, pregnant or otherwise.
    We can kiss girls too, if we want to.
    We can embrace masturbation.
    Men don’t rape women and get away with it.
    We can go into an old growth forest and not hear airplanes overhead.
    We
    Can
    Be:
    Safe, loved, lovers, naturalists
    ...Ourselves.

It can happen.
And it will, once we stand up for what we know is dying. The world, the child’s soul, the woman’s body.
Friends, sisters, brothers too,
it can happen.

Control

 

Watch you dance!

Jump through hoops of fire,

twirl,

cartwheel,

you hit that landing perfectly!

Your gracious appendages moving in tune

To my voice

Perfectly;

Only your eyes betray this image.

The audience does not watch the eyes:

just the dance,

just the performance.

Small, silken threads attached to your limbs guide your body perfectly

To my voice.

No, this dance is not your dance, it is my dance.

My thin, delicate fingers pull the invisible threads

And the audience applauds.

Most threads have broken but no matter

This dance you’ve practiced so many times is memorized so well

You dance anyway:

You move to my song

You move to false creativity

Your mind is blank, no need to think

You and your audience know the lesson all too well:

Just ignore the eyes.

---

Oy, carrot!

            Yum, you!

Bright beauty meets my eyes—swirls

of orange, peppered with earth

(the origin of your/my growth)

with a tuft of brilliant green topping your elongated body.

Truly the beauty of the vegetable world.

Really,

Who would choose the flesh

Of animals

When I could have you?

Crunch—my teeth sink into your flesh

With a sickening crunch.

(crunch crunch)

Hold nothing against me—

For I eat you with love in my heart,

My dear carrot.

Oy, carrot! (crunch)

            Yum, you! (crunch)

Truly,

The beauty of the vegetable world.

----

Childhood forgotten

 

What is beauty anymore?

Have you forgotten,

or do you remember?

 

Do you remember the softness of a dog’s ears?

(knowing no synthetics could match it)

Do you remember the stars?

(knowing they listened to your tears and laughter)

Do you remember the veins on leaves?

(oh so small! and oh, they look just like mine!)

 

Do you remember awe?

 

—No,

We remember mothers grumpily scrubbing dirty hands from petting strays.

We remember being taught that stars are just balls of gas, nothing more, billions of miles away and unattainable.

We remember raking messy, dead leaves into black plastic garbage bags (it’s not like they’re alive anyway).

 

—No,

We remember education.

 

We’ve left the beauty of the everyday to the children,

the shadow of a nondescript memory to be lost—

—forever, unless we see children dance once more in our hearts.

 

Children, learn to teach yourself—let your soul be your teacher.

Adults, learn to be as children and

once again

realize the beauty of the everyday. 

 

it's been a long while, and i might never be back on here again so here are the basics:
i am a senior now
i will probably go to university of oregon this fall
i am way excited for college
i do not know who i will vote for in the upcoming election (though I can because I will be eighteen and oregon's primaries aren't until may)
i am almost 18
i might major in either environmental studies or women's studies
i hate high school and the idiotic people who attend (with few exceptions)
i am a vegetarian, have been for a few months, and love it
i might be vegan once i enter college, shouldn't be too hard in eugene
i might get a lip piercing
i will get a tattoo, of what i do not know
and, i love life, for the most part.
also, i hate scholarship applications.

and,
the end.

Here's my deal with the pledge of allegiance.
So, it's not that I disrespect my country; trust me, I don't. But, I'm not too into the whole deal of the pledge of allegiance. There are so many things that I would rather pledge allegiance to: God, the world, the earth, other species, life in general, humanity...
It almost seems like pledging to my country is a little silly, because there are things that are so much more important that I am not pledging allegiance to. Why isn't it so? Why don't we?
Even if I was to pledge allegiance to my country, I would want it to mean something. It seems like barfing out those words doesn't mean anything anymore. I mean, who really feels anything while pledging allegiance to the country?
I don't want to make anyone angry, because it's not that I disrespect our country. I don't, trust me! I just wish something as important as a pledge would mean something, instead of an emotionless, machine-like recitation of something we learned in elementary school.
I should write my own pledge to God, the earth, etc.
I would recite them when I felt like it was needed.
(Or, is pledging similar to prayer? No, prayer is talking to God, nevermind, something a little different...)

What do you guys think about this?

she wishes to be in wed in Ireland, in a field of grass near the sea.
does she know the reality?
it will not happen that way (i feel as if i'm reading the future's movie script, the semi-omniscient being);
she will be wed among foreigners, in a room with dull buzzing lights and yellowing wallpaper.

she will wonder why she never had the chance the sages promised;
they lied to her.

i am unhappy about my math grade.
for the first time in my life, i am getting a D in a class. i mean, it's only halfway through the first quarter, but i still feel inadequate. i've never had a worse grade than a B. i mean, it's AP calculus I, but still. it's a D.
it's not good, folks.

on a lighter note, i am leaving for mexico with my youth group in 3 weeks. i am so excited!

-------------

i am struggling with an issue. i cannot stand the thought of killing, but logic tells me that killing is more humane in some instances. should i follow my emotions, or logic? obviously, you'd say logic, but this is an extremely important issue to me. i cannot possibly explain to you how hard it is for me to take life from anything. (i understand that if i had a gun in my hand, and some nut had a gun in his hand, and i was with a child whose life was in danger, i would shoot the guy to protect the child, but i would never forgive myself for it. i would never forgive myself if the child was killed as a result of my passiveness. i'd be screwed either way...) i cannot find a justified reason to kill, other than protection of the innocent. but still!

this issue came up because i had a fish that was dying. it was floating on its side, and it looked like the poor thing was in pain. i couldn't stand to just sit there and watch it die, so i decided that i would try to take its life. that was harder than i had expected. flushing it down the toilet would have been the same as keeping it in the fishbowl; it would still have to suffer. i couldn't just suffocate it; that would hurt it too much. my only other option was to try to stab it. i got the knife, fished the poor little hurt fish out of the tank, grabbed it (with quite a lot of effort), and i just broke down crying. i wasn't just crying, i was bawling. when i was sane enough to look around, i realized that the fish had crawled out of my hand onto the floor, and i'm assuming it suffocated.

you think i'm a nutcase.
i swear, i'm not! it's just so unbelievably hard for me to think of life and death being in my own hands. it's not that we can avoid killing. we either have to kill plants or animals for sustenance.

i realized today, more than ever, my view of the world is too romanticized. maybe life isn't what i thought it was. there is death all over, and not just mercy killings of dying fish; there are thousands dying every day in the name of one God or another; there are forests being clear-cut to make room for cattle (that are going to be raised under hellish conditions until they grow old enough to be burger king hamburgers), and there are people every day stepping on ants for fun (i'm being serious; stepping on ants is so rude and inhumane).

i love God, but sometimes i wonder why anyone can be happy in such a world.
i love God, but sometimes i wonder why i'm here. (i have concluded that i must be here for a reason. my intuition tells me that suicide is wrong. if i didn't have a purpose, suicide would not be wrong. is that illogical?)
i love God, but i just don't understand what makes the world go 'round.

that's all for now.

i'm liking more and more the ideas of socialism.

i would make a good socialist, i think.

i'm not doing well tonight.
you see, i have this problem. i have this sort of "type a" personality.
when people surpass me in, well anything, i feel like i'm inferior. people's success screams at me, and i get this feeling that i'm not good enough.
i wish i was perfect. it's so cliche, but i feel that way.
i hate feeling depressed.
i'm not happy with myself right now.
it feels like my heart, soul, body, and mind are all at war with one another.
it's not a fun place to be.

Sometimes I feel like my life does not belong to me.
I feel like it belongs to school (mostly), work, parents, friends, but not me.
I suppose it's a little depressing?
I feel like all I do, all I have time for is doing what others expect of me, not what I expect of myself.
(For example, I have no time to practice my violin anymore, something I dearly miss.)
I'm overworked, it feels like. I cannot stand working 20 hours a week, plus school on top of that.
...or not. I don't know how to explain what I mean.
Just take my word for it.
It's not a good place to be in.

this is something that has angered me for quite some time.
there is, as you all should know, a vaccination that teenage girls can get to prevent her from getting cervical cancer.
but, it's raising controversy. because, obviously, "you're encouraging these girls to have sex with multiple partners."

kay so, bullshit.
if you can prevent someone from a deadly form of cancer, then why wouldn't you?
it's ridiculous! cervical cancer isn't always from sex with multiple partners, though it is the most common cause.
so, even if your daughter was having sex with many people, why would you increase the risk of her getting cancer by not allowing her to get the vaccine?

it's truly and honestly: ridiculous.

bonanza jellybean is my hero.
she will be greatly missed.

i was told today, by a christian friend of mine, that sexuality is bad.
i disagree...
god created it, right?
...
i also need to come to terms with the idea that i am bi-curious.

i need to pray about that.
i feel like i shouldn't have to give it up; it feels natural to me.
but, i don't know.
it doesn't feel like a sin, but evidentially, it is.
is it that bad?
after all, it's not that i'm actually bi.
just, experimental?
i don't know.
i guess i'm just a horny teenager, and i need to get over it.

she is god, i am merely julia.
you have to read it from the bottom, and go upwards from there.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: god
Date: Feb 6, 2007 8:41 PM


YES!
WE DO!
we shall get together sometime,
and create a list of steps to revolutionization.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: julia
Date: 06 Feb 2007, 08:25 PM


we should start a revolution.
i love the sound, the feeling, and everything associated with that word.
it is a good, liberating, thing.
liberation--another good one.

we do not fit the mold.
it is a thing to be proud of.

we need to start a revolution.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: god
Date: Feb 6, 2007 8:17 PM


yes, i agree.
i have so much faith and love for humanity,
though i do doubt human nature almost vicariously.
you and i,
we rock.
i belive the both of us are both
the un-moldy type.
we are both without mold.
maybe we should start a REVOLUTION.


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: julia
Date: 06 Feb 2007, 08:05 PM


i understand that feeling.
the world does not care, but not by nature; nature, human nature, teaches them to care. they ignore the soul, they ignore that part of their heart, and turn the other way. eventually, they harden themselves.
then, as the impersonal machinery works its way through humanity, they teach others not to care, and eventually,
no one does.
there are a few left--those that never did fit the mold of industrial social structure; their hearts don't understand ambivalence.
mine does not.
ambivalence kills more than hatred (though, they are synonymous.)
it hurts so much to see, i have a feeling that the world will keep spiraling downward.
people will keep murdering others in the name of a holy man that advocated the opposite,
people will keep waging war on the natural world in the name of industrialism and wendy's hamburgers...
it will not stop.

there is a part of me, a big part of me though, that loves humanity with all i have.
...and i don't understand how it works, but evidentially, it does.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: god
Date: Feb 6, 2007 7:56 PM


who ever knows, though?
that's the thing about life;
it's completely ambiguous.
the future is straight ahead,
but what will come of it?
society today is rot and it seems hard to change
because it's so easy for people to
sit back and do nothing.
love can't save the world
because it takes people that are willing to love,
and certainly there is a lack of said people.
right now, it's better looking our for you and your heart than ever letting a shy stranger in to find comfort and knowledge and this is because the detrimental human is more common than the beautifully intricate and loving human.
people are afraid to love because they've been hurt,
BY PEOPLE.
there isn't much that can be done, though.
you can't change people, or at least not easily,
and isn't changing people frowned upon?

eventually, maybe, people will wake up.
it will just take a long time.

in effect,
i guess it takes patience to see everything through.
it's worth it, though, i imagine.

it all seems just in one word: crazy.


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: julia
Date: 06 Feb 2007, 07:42 PM


words will never satisfy the deep pessimism (yet sincerest optimism) I have for the world:
i see individuals, and i can see the potential for such goodness! i think people, as individuals, are naturally good, close to perfect;
but i see society, and what society creates, and it is so pessimistic; people will always fall into the trap, they will always fall to the machine, the hatred.
my feelings about the world are so mixed.
i used to believe that love could save the world, but now, i don't know.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: god
Date: Feb 3, 2007 4:59 PM


you can write a lot,
but it is never too much.
society is sad and drowning.
i understand,
i have been thinking about
how people in this world are inherently bad
and how long it will be until it's different.
how many good people will it take?


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: julia
Date: 02 Feb 2007, 08:20 PM


i understand that, and i feel the same way.
i honestly can't imagine a world where children are not abused,
thousands are not murdered in the name of God, Allah, whoever,
forests are not clear-cut,
you know.
the sad things in life.
people want to do those things, they want to give their part to be the interchangeable parts of the machine (the political machine, industrialism, violence, etc.)...
and it's really sad.

i feel like the only place we have to go is down. and that's a scary thing, but this world is, no other way to say it, pretty fucked up.

all i can do is leave a legacy (which means what? the people i benefit from my legacy, hopefully of love, will die someday too; what is the point of anything, we will all die).

i wrote a lot. woops?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: god
Date: Feb 2, 2007 4:56 PM


i know exactly what you mean.
it's troubling because we have to grow up,
our generation has to change it.
if i may say so myself,
our generation is not that great.

along with that,
i feel sad because i have little faith in our generation.
i feel as if i look down upon our ability
to be something greater than rap music and sex,
and that feels almost inhuman.


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: julia
Date: 01 Feb 2007, 09:11 PM


oh, me too.
i am not sick though.
i've been so depressed though, the inevitable, dooming feeling that doesn't leave, it just hides; it's the feeling that the world no longer cares about anything but hate.
the world loves hate, and hate alone.
it hurts me, a lot.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: god
Date: Feb 1, 2007 9:10 PM


yes, me too.
normally i am so not emotional.
i think it's because i am getting sick.
when i'm sick i'm emotional!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: julia
Date: 01 Feb 2007, 08:54 PM


i hate things not being right.
i've been so emotional lately.

more artwork...i did them tonight.
it was really relaxing and nice.
it's not that i'm a good artist, i just like it a lot.

It's not that I'm a "liberal" or a "democrat", it's just that I don't like political party extremists, like Ruch Limbaugh and Michael Moore.
Listening to him makes me angry. He looks at diversity as a disease. I don't like it.
----

My 35 Undeniable Truths--By Rush Limbaugh

All of these truths are of the same importance.
1. There is a distinct singular American culture - rugged individualism and self-reliance - which made America great. [I don't disagree with this one.]
2. The vast majority of the rich in this country did not inherit their wealth; they earned it. They are the country's achievers, producers, and job creators. [This has such a gospel of wealth attitude. yes, most of them did earn it, but just because you're poor does not mean that you aren't an achiever. Success isn't measured in riches.]
3. No nation has ever taxed itself into prosperity. [Hm, I don't know about this one. I like taxes. Taxes are necessary, good things.]
4. Evidence refutes liberalism. [No, evidence refutes political parties in general.]
5. There is no such thing as a New Democrat. [Why do you care?]
6. The Earth's eco-system is not fragile. [You're right, but it is because we're taking more than we need. It wouldn't be fragile, if we practiced conservation techniques.]
7. Character matters; leadership decends from character. [Okay, understandable.]
8. The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down. [I HATE THIS ONE. This makes me unbelievably sad. Trees are one of the most beautiful of God's creations, and I don't think God would respect people heedlessly cutting them down for frivolous purposes. Yes, use what you need, but don't cut down trees for no freaking reason! It's selfish and disgusting. It's genocide.]
9. Ronald Reagan was the greatest president of the twentieth century. [I can't agree or refute this, because I don't know much about Reagan.]
10. The 1980s was not a decade of greed but a decade of prosperity; it was the longest period of peacetime growth in American history. [The 80's were alright.]
11. Abstinence prevents sexually transmitted disease and pregnancy -every time it's tried. [Agreed.]
12. Condoms only work during the school year. [I'm not sure I follow.]
13. Poverty is not the root ("rut") cause of crime. [Once again, agreed.]
14. There's a simple way to solve the crime problem: obey the law; punish those who do not. [Agree with this one too, but I am not in favor of the death sentence.]
15. If you commit a crime, you are guilty. [There are exceptions. What about a psychopath? They deserve to be somewhere where they cannot hurt others, but they are not guilty as I see it; it is not their fault that they are psychopaths.]
16. Women should not be allowed on juries where the accused is a stud. [Once again, this angers me. What a dumb stereotype. Women have minds and brains, not just hormones.]
17. The way to improve our schools is not more money, but the reintroduction of moral and spiritual values, as well as the four "R's": reading, 'riting, 'rithmatic, and Rush. [Actually, our school needs more money. Yay, taxes!]
18. I am not arrogant. [Yes, you are. You only respect those that are exactly like yourself.]
19. My first 35 Undeniable Truths are still undeniably true. [No, they are not.]
20. There is a God. [I agree.]
21. There is something wrong when critics say the problem with America is too much religion. [I don't agree; there is too much religion, not enough spirituality.]
22. Morality is not defined by individual choice. [What? Yes, it is. My morals are my business, not yours, with the exception of murder, and rape. They are illegal because they severely harm others, and need to be illegal. I can see how he's defending his point, but I don't agree with him.]
23. The only way liberals win national elections is by pretending they're not liberals. [No. They win by popular vote, and everyone knows that they are "liberal", and they still get voted in.]
24. Feminism was established as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society. [No, it was created because women couldn't vote, own property, or do anything other than vacuum and apply mascara.]
25. Follow the money. When somebody says, "It's not the money," it's always the money. [...I don't follow.]
26. Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box. [All political parties do.]
27. Using federal dollars as a measure, our cities have not been neglected, but poisoned with welfare dependency funds. [People need welfare! I understand that people abuse the system, but so many actually need it. I understand why he'd be angry at people abusing the system, and it makes me mad too, but there are those that need that money.]
28. Progress is not striving for economic justice or fairness, but economic growth. [It doesn't matter if people are equal, as long as people are getting richer? I'm not sure if I know exactly what he's saying.]
29. Liberals measure compassion by how many people are given welfare. Conservatives measure compassion by how many people no longer need it. [...I feel a little stupid for not understanding, but I don't.]
30. Compassion is no substitute for justice. [I hate this statement too. Justice is necessary, but compassion goes hand in hand with justice; justice is compassion. [Thus, no death penalties...]]
31. The culture war is between the winners and those who think they're losers who want to become winners. The losers think the only way they can become winners is by banding together all the losers and then empowering a leader of the losers to make things right for them. [Well, the "losers" of society deserve equality with the "winners". They are human, not worse than the "winners". Also, what defines a "loser"? No money, no power, no greed, no lack of morals? He needs to define "losers".]
32. The Los Angeles riots were not caused by the Rodney King verdict. The Los Angeles riots were caused by rioters. [I don't know the story, sorry.]
33. You could afford your house without your government - if it weren't for your government. [Hm..]
34. Words mean things. [Yes, but intuition, love, emotion, and spirituality mean more.]
35.Too many Americans can't laugh at themselves. [Everybody needs to laugh at themselves.]

such a bad day.
a bad, bad day.
bad day at work (really bad day at work),
stressed about finals, friends,
i feel like i have no life.

it's going badly, folks.

morgen ist es kiene schule!

;]

All unphotoshopped, with the exception of the blue candle.
i would post more, but i'm too lazy.
enjoy.