Empowerment
I am on a quest. On this journey, I am not looking for wealth or fame. Instead, I seek empowerment. I am not seeking ultimate power to put my will in front of others’. Nor do I plan on putting the world under some kind of fascist dictatorship where men bow down to women and everyone worships a giant, golden statue of me. Empowerment is about the individual; the focus is not on putting yourself in front of others, or ensuring your power endangers the power of fellow brothers and sisters. Empowerment is recognizing what you have, what you don’t, and what has been taken. It is claiming your body, soul, and heart. It is harnessing the sexual power that women have but don’t recognize. It is not for personal gain over our community. No, it is what we all need to empower ourselves so we can fight back against what is dying, to save not only ourselves but the forces that threaten the world the creator so lovingly gave us.
Part I: Women Living In The Midst of a Patriarchy
We live in a patriarchy. Just for clarification, a patriarchy is a culture that is centered on masculinity and males. Now, I’m fairly tolerant when it comes to people’s crazy conspiracy theories, but one that I will deny again and again is the theory that we do not live in a patriarchy. For you doubters, let’s give some facts and figures. Of the 110th Congress members, 17% are female. We have never had a female president. There are four females in Bush’s cabinet out of 15 total cabinet members. There is currently one female justice on the Supreme Court out of nine, and there has never been a female Chief Justice. This is just the federal government (statistics can be found on Congress, Judiciary, and White House government websites). Next time you go to a music store, look at how many female artists there are compared to male artists (even harder, try to find a band that is completely female whose songs have not been written by men). Do you often hear of female novelists, painters, poets? How many head chefs, CEO’s, and school administrators are female? Why are prostitutes (who, most of the time, do it to keep food on the table) considered the most immoral of all, but the men who buy their services are not in the equation?
Generally speaking, the laws are not the problem. Women, by law, are to be treated equally. It is the attitude of our culture that is the problem. Women who are just as qualified as men aren’t voted in for public office as often because they’re just too sensitive. Sensitive, PMS-ing leaders can’t get anything done without crying, now can they? Heaven forbid we should have a commander-in-chief with compassion. This might be an exaggeration (unfortunately, not for some), but it is the subtle attitude of many that women are not qualified based on their femininity. This attitude is hard to attack, because upon calling people on it, the response is, “Oh no, I’d love more females in office; they just aren’t as qualified!” It’s a cop-out. In most cases, women are just as qualified, but for “some reason,” they don’t get elected or don’t get the job. When females are elected into office or given a position of power, they are expected to act like men, to be masculine. If they show sign of emotion or sensitivity, they are “not qualified” for a position of power. Even the women we do elect for public office are expected to act like men.
We live in a patriarchy. The question is, what do we, as both men and women, do about it? I’m not sure whether it is possible to live in a patriarchy that isn’t demeaning to women, but I’m not willing to live that experiment out, and I certainly wouldn’t take part in it. What can you do? As a start, we can show the patriarchal culture we live in that we are great poets, we are great painters, we are great writers, leaders, mothers, scientists, officials! If you aren’t any of those things, you can support those who are. You certainly have a place in the community, even if it isn’t a place people would expect of you (show them up, girls!). Buy a CD of a female artist (for beginners, try Ani DiFranco or Sinead O’Connor)—don’t burn copies of them for friends, make others buy their CDs to support them economically. Read volumes of poetry by Sara Teasdale or the writings of Simone De Beauvoir. Female voices are out there, find them! Try supporting local female artists and singers. Volunteer at Planned Parenthood or a local women’s group. We can wield a two-edged sword by not only becoming the artists, mothers, welders, doctors, friends and leaders that we can be, but also supporting those that do.
Bottom line: guess what? We can fight the patriarchy if we want to. Once we realize that we don’t have to fit into the little niche our culture has made for us, we can climb out of it and help others around us do the same.
Part II: Sexuality and Education
Sexuality is crucial to empowerment. Popular culture subdued and weakened the power of female sexuality. There are a number of myths about sexuality that must be addressed. First and foremost, women are sexual beings. The attitude expressed in pop culture is that women are not nearly as sexual as men, and men cannot control their crazy sexual thoughts and actions. However, women and men are just as sexual. Before the time we hit puberty, we are told via media and popular belief, that boys are way more interested in sexuality than girls are. Boys are constantly on the prowl looking for girls to score with, and all the innocent young girls are just looking for romance. Boys looking for sex are just being boys (“it’s just a phase”), but girls looking for sex are whores.
The second myth about sexuality expressed by pop culture tells us that this is just the way it is; it is how we evolved, and it is how it must be. This is just untrue. By the time boys and girls hit high school, this attitude might be true, but not because of natural expression. It has become true because people insist on fitting in the roles society has made for us. Many guys act a certain way around girls because it is how they are expected to act; it is an act of peer pressure. And if he has to act a certain way for long enough, it becomes his nature. The same applies to the female condition of sexual repression. Repress it for long enough, and it will dwindle (but certainly not die).
Attitude is only half the problem with sexual repression. We are clearly sexual beings, but we are told that our sexual expression is defined by someone else. On television shows and in movies, when people are horny, they have sex. From a young age, it is apparent to us that the only way we can truly express our sexuality is through intercourse or unprotected sex with another partner. Since teenagers have the craziest libidos and they are told that to quench it they have to have intercourse, we have terribly high rates of pregnancy and STDs.
And this isn’t the end of it. Many religious groups and even sex educators are telling students that the natural expression of sexuality should be off limits until marriage. So, we’ve got a nation full of sexually-confused, pregnant, diseased teenagers that feel like their sexual feelings are immoral, abnormal, and reason for guilt. Because girls in particular are expected to be sexually abstinent—since it is guys that cannot control themselves—this guilt hits the female population the hardest. Combine all of this with the fact that the media combines sexuality and violence to make sexual assault both eroticized and more acceptable, and we’ve got ourselves into a complex knot of misunderstanding, repression, and perversion.
This craziness needs to end. First of all, abstinence-only “sex education” should under no condition be considered sex education. All teenagers, from at least 14 years of age (and I think 14 is even too late) need to know what condoms, dental dams, and birth control are and know exactly how to use them. They need to know about how STDs are transmitted, how they are not, and they need to be told honestly about these things. They should be given lists of organizations—like Planned Parenthood and the local women’s center—that do testing and give out birth control and condoms. There can be no more scare tactics to force-feed abstinence. If you choose to be abstinent, that is your choice, but it isn’t the choice of school administrators to hide necessary information from you. Secondly, all sex education classes should teach that masturbation isn’t abnormal, disgusting, or wrong. (Good news: it doesn’t get you pregnant or give you STDs!) It is a perfectly healthy form of sexual expression and release. Not only that, but it teaches people that sexuality isn’t defined by being with other people; it is the connection you have with your gender, and the relationships that develop from that. It should address issues about sexual orientation and tolerance of sexual orientations different than our own. And of course, any sex education class should teach people that their sexual choices are theirs to make, not any one else’s. I think (smart) sexuality is healthy, but it is your decision and your decision alone to engage in it the way you please.
I have a deep suspicion that the realization of sexuality is crucial to the empowerment of not only women, but people in general. It is a mysterious force that urges you to live in the now, and unleash the power that contains. If people could realize that living in the moment, that existence in and of itself is holy, it would truly be a revolutionary movement. Sexuality is the primal, ancient, spiritual, powerful expression of that way of life. It encourages people to live for what we have, for what we have been given; maybe, just maybe, it is enough to help people realize that the world we live in now is certainly worth saving.
Part III: The Miracle of Motherhood
I’ve read quite a bit of feminist literature, but one subject that many feminist writers have sadly ignored is the nature and beauty of maternity. There are a few reasons why this might be: Some might think that an article about the beauty of motherhood displays a pro-life message. I would have to disagree, because I am personally pro-choice. On the other side, however, you can be a pro-life feminist (and I know a few that are total badasses, so nobody better be bashing on pro-lifers in my company); just because you are a feminist doesn’t mean you have to be pro-choice. Some feminists will not bring up motherhood because of previous demeaning cultural ideals that essentially told women that their worth was defined by their childbearing abilities.
Of course, my worth is not defined by the children I can give birth to, and women that don’t have children are no less fantastic. Before I move on, I want to make this perfectly clear: just because I see motherhood as one of the most beautiful experiences I could possibly have doesn’t mean that other women feel the same, or have to feel the same. I’m certainly proud of any woman’s choice to have or not have children.
From the womb of the mother, all life comes forth. The cells of the embryo feed from the mother. The nutrients from her food nourish the growing appendages. The warmth of the mother’s body incubates new life. A fetus responds to her mother’s movements, feelings, pain, joy. A woman’s body grows to accompany an infant or maybe two, three, four, five infants. Her bellybutton pops out under the pressure of the life inside her beautiful form. Her cervical opening, normally under a centimeter in diameter, can dilate up to 10 centimeters during pregnancy to allow the head and shoulders of an infant to pass. The female body can accommodate life in such awe-inspiring, amazing ways. This is why it is truly a miracle.
The mother is the creator of life. This is why I see the creator of the universe as being feminine and the creation as being a result of a feminine power. From the womb of the great mother came the world, and from the womb of every mother comes new life. When a mother gives birth to child, shedding her very blood with an action that causes so much pain, I imagine that she sees the great creator of the universe for herself; she enters into Her presence and feels the most intense pain and pure ecstasy of creation, birth, and life anew. Such pain does not come without reward: not only does she come into the presence of the creator but she has life in her arms to prove it.
But it’s all speculation for now. I am childless and plan on remaining so for quite some time. I can only hope that I have that experience for myself. As women, we don’t have to experience childbirth ourselves for this to empower us. The idea alone is inspiring. The idea that our body can be seen as a greater metaphor for life and creation is enough, wouldn’t you think?
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Women aren’t perfect, and I surely don’t want to send that message. For every pro, there is a con. But I think it is high time for us to finally realize our power, our body, our soul. It is sacred, beautiful, complex, dangerous. With every power given, we must realize that power can manipulate and destroy. It is in our hands to not only use our power but use it wisely. The world depends on it.
This is an article about what empowers me. I am sure women reading this will agree on some level, and disagree on another. You will not come to realize your power in the same way I came to realize mine; I simply wanted to explain to you how I came to be the woman I am now. I suggest you think on this. Ultimately, it is up to you to realize your place in the world, and how you will get there. To you, what does it mean to be a woman? I wrote a declaration of my sentiments, and I encouraged others to write theirs. Empowerment is important to understanding ourselves, but at the end of the day, it is our sisters (and brothers!) that hold us up when we are tired. When it comes down to the problems our world faces, it isn’t up to me to solve them. No, it is up to us.
