Here's a blog devoted to me pitying myself.
So, unless you want to hear a girl pity herself, and ask for pity in return, you might not want to read this.
I have barely any friends anymore.
Yeah, I have some friends, and they're wonderful and I love them to death.
But what happened to the others?
The ones that were there, but decided that this year they wouldn't be anymore?
They said they'd be there forever, and that we'd be "best friends forever".
Best friends forever.
Whoever came up with that fucking saying anyways?
It's a bullshiting, fucking, damned to hell lie.
Fuck.
Damn shit fuck.
It's sad.
Just damn sad.
I haven't cussed like that for months.
Seriously.
It's not that I can't go into town with anyone. That's not why I'm sad (although it certainly doesn't help at all).
But, it's just, an example.
I miss having lots of people to turn to...
...lots of people that said that they were there and actually were...
I guess it doesn't happen like that anymore, does it?
I can think of, say, 3? People that are there for me, truly.
Other people are nice to me, sure.
But do they really care?
When I was depressed in the first 2 months of the year, were they there? Did they ever call, ever bother to contact me at all?
No.
Of course not.
Because, you know, I'm not important enough, right?
Yeah, you'll tell me, "oh get better".
But do you call?
No.
Do you email?
No.
When I try and talk, do you actually try and keep a conversation longer than 4 words?
No.
Okay, then why the hell you you say for me to get better?
You "want me to feel better", but you don't bother helping me at all.
It's like watching a car wreck (sorry to use the anceint metaphor).
You can watch, say "oh, that's sad", but walk away like it doesn't apply to you.
Yeah, you say you care.
You can say every damn thing you want to and it won't make a FUCKING bit of difference, because you just don't care about me anymore.
I was there for you!
Did you return the favor?
No.
I said I would be there for you, but you wern't there for me.
You were at one time, but now, now you aren't.
If you were really there, you'd be here now.
Are you here now?
No.
I care so much about the people I love, and they brush it off like it was nothing.
They have other friends, so now they have no other use for me.
I'm sure some people cared.
Cared.
Not anymore though.
Why?
What did I do?
I try, I try my hardest to make us friends again. I do everything in my power to make you accept me again.
And all you give me is 4 words.
Everytime.
4 words.
You just don't understand.
You'll never understand.
You'll never understand how much I loved you, and how much I still do.
I hope you don't understand.
Because, if you actually do understand, that would be pretty sad, considering you don't give a damn about me anymore.
I hate saying this.
I hate feeling this.
It's the truth, and I hate it.
I've held it in, because I'm guilty.
But it's the truth.
I feel bad because I have friends who love me, and if they heard this, it might hurt them, because they love me and it would make them feel like I didn't care ab out everything they've done for me.
I hope, if any one of them does read this, that they don't get offended, at all.
The friends that are there for me, I love dearly, with everything I have.
I love them more than anyone could ever imagine.
Ever.
They've done so much for me, they've been there (when others haven't).
I'm sorry to those true friends I do have, I don't mean this to make you feel bad.
Because I love you and I am in no way meaning this to hurt you at all.

Pity me, pity me, pity me.
Pity pity pity.
This blog sounds like I'm asking for pity.
And I am.
But it's not just pity.
This is, probably, 4 months worth of pain that I've managed to keep in.
So deal.
I promise, I won't ever write anything so sad for awhile.
Well, not a promise.
Promises are lies.
I'll try.
But in my shape, who knows, at this point.

For everone who is still there for me...
I love you.
For everyone who lied to me, who said you were there and aren't anymore, who made me hurt, who doesn't give a fucking damn about who the hell I am anymore...
I still love you.
...and I always will.